I was in fourth grade when my Aunt Jenny gave me my first Judy Blume book. “Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret” was the most awesome book this nine-year-old could ever imagine. It was about friendship, jealousy, belonging, embarrassment, crushes, and trying to figure out where you fit.
I was hooked.
At the time, I thought Judy Blume books were about middle school.
Fast forward a few years (okay, like 40+), I was coaching a leadership team for a mission-driven organization. Super smart, capable people who cared deeply about their work.
As I listened to them interact, I realized I wasn't seeing a leadership problem.
I was seeing a middle school problem.
Two of the leaders seemed to be competing for the attention and approval of the CEO. It wasn’t overt. No one was pulling ponytails or passing notes. But these accomplished professionals with impressive resumes were replicating patterns that felt surprisingly familiar.
And it wasn’t the first time I had seen it.
Whether it be the art room or the boardroom, human beings spend a surprising amount of energy trying to figure out where they stand.
Who is in.
Who is out.
Who is trusted.
Who belongs.
Who matters.
By the end of middle school, most of us assume we'll eventually outgrow those questions.
Instead, as adults, we start naming them differently.
Executive presence. Stakeholder management. Alignment. Culture.
The nomenclature changed, but the humans didn’t.
The executive who leaves the meeting and starts another meeting in the hallway.
The leader who wants agreement more than truth.
The peer who keeps score of who gets more access to the CEO.
The person who interprets disagreement as rejection.
Looking back, that’s what Judy Blume understood so well. Belonging.
And if you spend enough time with leadership teams, you recognize that belonging still drives behavior more than most of us would like to admit.
Maybe that’s why those stories stay with us.Or maybe the cafeteria and the offsite have more in common than we’d like to admit.