--- title: If Their Eyes Are Not Shining, Who Are You Being? description: If Their Eyes Are Not Shining, Who Are You Being? --- [![ThriveToLead logo transparent](https://thrivetolead.com/hs-fs/hubfs/ThriveToLead%20logo%20transparent.png?width=400&height=169&name=ThriveToLead%20logo%20transparent.png)](https://thrivetolead.com) ![header-bar](https://www.fthemes.net/hubfs/header-bar.svg) ![close-bar](https://www.fthemes.net/hubfs/close-bar.svg) - [Home](https://thrivetolead.com) - Coaching Show submenu for Coaching - [Executive Coaching](https://thrivetolead.com/executive-coach) - [Assessments](https://thrivetolead.com/coaching-assessments) - [Teams](https://thrivetolead.com/team-coaching) - [Workshops](https://thrivetolead.com/workshops) - Resources Show submenu for Resources - [About Kristen](https://thrivetolead.com/about-kristen-schmitt) - [Testimonials](https://thrivetolead.com/client-testimonials) - [Contact](https://thrivetolead.com/contact) - [Blog](https://thrivetolead.com/blog) - [Home](https://thrivetolead.com) - Coaching Show submenu for Coaching - [Executive Coaching](https://thrivetolead.com/executive-coach) - [Assessments](https://thrivetolead.com/coaching-assessments) - [Teams](https://thrivetolead.com/team-coaching) - [Workshops](https://thrivetolead.com/workshops) - Resources Show submenu for Resources - [About Kristen](https://thrivetolead.com/about-kristen-schmitt) - [Testimonials](https://thrivetolead.com/client-testimonials) - [Contact](https://thrivetolead.com/contact) - [Blog](https://thrivetolead.com/blog) # If Their Eyes Are Not Shining, Who Are You Being? [![](https://app.hubspot.com/settings/avatar/f0688954449454cfa33b0803dce8fe0d)](https://thrivetolead.com/blog/author/kristen-schmitt) [Kristen Schmitt](https://thrivetolead.com/blog/author/kristen-schmitt) Aug 26, 2021 4:43:39 PM Last week, my friend [Connie](https://www.linkedin.com/in/conniechwan/) shared with me a beautiful [TedTalk](https://www.ted.com/talks/benjamin_zander_the_transformative_power_of_classical_music?language=en#t-79441) by Benjamin Zander on the transformative power of classical music. Amongst the lovely tones were leadership lessons. However, what first grabbed me were his impressions of children attempting to master piano pieces at ages 7, 8, and 9, and so on. The 7-year-old is SO focused on getting the notes right that he/she plays each one with the same emphasis and impulse. Over time, students ease into their practice and begin phrasing, making music instead of playing notes. This maturation applies in leadership as well. As a new leader, I managed everyone the same (and by the book). I scoured every report. I tried to be perfect instead of thinking about what I needed to do to make a difference for others. But over time, my instincts began to kick in, and I learned to listen to my gut. ***What does this person need from me as an individual to become more successful?*** ***What unique talents and experience can I bring to serve my team?*** ***When I ask for information, to what end? To make decisions and help, or am I simply checking up on them?*** ***As Zander says, “If their eyes are not shining, who are you being?”*** Eventually, I stopped leading by the book. I made the mistakes and learned the lessons. I was able to elevate my leadership, and hopefully, most of the people around me. Now, these lessons are coming full circle. For the first time since my teens, I am taking voice lessons. Like that 7-year-old pianist and the young leader, it’s taking me some time to ease into my practice.  But I trust that, with experience, I’ll get there. ***If their eyes are not shining, who are you being?*** ###### Popular Post - [Ownership v. 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