--- title: A Judge Named Ingrid description: A Judge Named Ingrid image: https://thrivetolead.com/hubfs/Imported_Blog_Media/Ingrid.jpg --- [![ThriveToLead logo transparent](https://thrivetolead.com/hs-fs/hubfs/ThriveToLead%20logo%20transparent.png?width=400&height=169&name=ThriveToLead%20logo%20transparent.png)](https://thrivetolead.com) ![header-bar](https://www.fthemes.net/hubfs/header-bar.svg) ![close-bar](https://www.fthemes.net/hubfs/close-bar.svg) - [Home](https://thrivetolead.com) - Coaching Show submenu for Coaching - [Executive Coaching](https://thrivetolead.com/executive-coach) - [Assessments](https://thrivetolead.com/coaching-assessments) - [Teams](https://thrivetolead.com/team-coaching) - [Workshops](https://thrivetolead.com/workshops) - Resources Show submenu for Resources - [About Kristen](https://thrivetolead.com/about-kristen-schmitt) - [Testimonials](https://thrivetolead.com/client-testimonials) - [Contact](https://thrivetolead.com/contact) - [Blog](https://thrivetolead.com/blog) - [Home](https://thrivetolead.com) - Coaching Show submenu for Coaching - [Executive Coaching](https://thrivetolead.com/executive-coach) - [Assessments](https://thrivetolead.com/coaching-assessments) - [Teams](https://thrivetolead.com/team-coaching) - [Workshops](https://thrivetolead.com/workshops) - Resources Show submenu for Resources - [About Kristen](https://thrivetolead.com/about-kristen-schmitt) - [Testimonials](https://thrivetolead.com/client-testimonials) - [Contact](https://thrivetolead.com/contact) - [Blog](https://thrivetolead.com/blog) # A Judge Named Ingrid [![](https://app.hubspot.com/settings/avatar/f0688954449454cfa33b0803dce8fe0d)](https://thrivetolead.com/blog/author/kristen-schmitt) [Kristen Schmitt](https://thrivetolead.com/blog/author/kristen-schmitt) Sep 21, 2021 3:10:03 PM ![](https://thrivetolead.com/hubfs/Imported_Blog_Media/Ingrid.jpg) Early in 2021, I immersed myself in author Shirzad Charmine’s Positive Intelligence program (PQ). **The experience was life-changing.** It profoundly impacted the way my mind works and how I move about in the world. I no longer operate in fear of not achieving and not being perfect.  When the negative thoughts pop up, I can shift to positive. I gained a greater awareness of how much **I judge myself**. **Ingrid.** My judge’s name is Ingrid, and she does a bang-up job of lashing out at me multiple times each day.   ***“Why did you say that? You sounded stupid.”*** ***“You’re never going to get all this work done. Then what will you do?”*** The good news is that I have developed the mental fitness to take on Ingrid. Through ongoing practice, I can more easily shift to healthier thought patterns when she does her thing. We all have an inner critic like Ingrid. Recognizing it (or her or him) is the first step in lessening its impact. Read [Take a Load Off, Inner Roommate](https://www.thrivetolead.com/blog/2018/9/10/take-a-load-off-inner-roommate?rq=roommate) for some tips. But Ingrid has two other sides to her. All internal judges do. **Our judge of others.** This critic stems from our judgment of self. If we are not empathetic toward ourselves, it is hard to have compassion for others. I once worked with a guy who would really get under my skin. Every time something changed at work, he would go completely sideways, and I would need to talk him off the ledge. In hindsight, he irritated me so much because I had the same natural tendencies and was trying to manage them in myself. **Our judge of circumstances.** This judge is the most dangerous because it is more concealed. ***Everything will be perfect once I get this promotion.*** ***I’ll be happy when I become a mom.*** ***It will all be better once we remodel the kitchen.*** Being happy with the here and now is not natural for most people. We have all been wired to **do** and **achieve.** But we’re not so good at just **being**. Quieting these judges helps me to present in the moment more of the time. I’m not perfect at it, but I have made strides, primarily because of Shirzad’s lessons. Soon, I will be lucky enough to take my clients and friends on this very same journey. **Which of the three judges impacts you the most?** ###### Popular Post - [Ownership v. Avoidance: The Leadership Lesson I Learned in Real Life](https://thrivetolead.com/blog/ownership-v.-avoidance-the-leadership-lesson-i-learned-in-real-life) - [The Day My Car Became a Delivery Truck](https://thrivetolead.com/blog/delivery-truck) - [Independence Day: The Quiet Courage of My Ancestor](https://thrivetolead.com/blog/independence-day-the-quiet-courage-of-my-ancestor) - [You In?](https://thrivetolead.com/blog/you-in) - [Setting Expectations: The Unsexy Way to Getting the Work Done Right](https://thrivetolead.com/blog/setting-expectations) Previous Post ###### [The Power of Peers](https://thrivetolead.com/blog/2021/9/15/the-power-of-peers) Next Post ###### [Setting Boundaries](https://thrivetolead.com/blog/2021/10/13/setting-boundaries) [![ThriveToLead logo transparent](https://thrivetolead.com/hs-fs/hubfs/ThriveToLead%20logo%20transparent.png?width=300&height=127&name=ThriveToLead%20logo%20transparent.png)](https://www.hubspot.com/) We respect your privacy and will never spam you or share your email address with any person or organization. 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